A good friend of mine once said to me. " You will never have any peace until a certain person was gone from my life" And as much as I didn't want to believe what she was saying with circumstances being what they are she is absolutely right. This person I love very much but my loyalty to them has put me in the position that I am in now. I am reaping what I sowed. I am a loyal to them to the end doing everything that I can to make their life easier. All the while sacrificing the things I need to keep me healthy and sane and deluding myself that things will get better and be normal.
Nope sorry not going to happen this relationship is sucking the life force from my body and causing me severe emotional distress. I moved into my new place and it will be one month on monday columbus day. And so far the peace that I seek still has not been found. I must, I need to cut the ties to the House of Usher of I will lose myself to the insanity and madness that surrounds it. I have needs, wants and desires that are not being met because of this insane situation. My soul is stained with the thousand lies that I tell to keep the madness going!! I am tired of lying I just want to be free I want the elusive peace I so desperately seek.
I just don't understand how someone can not see the truth that is right in front of them. The neighborhood is not what it use to be. It has gone to hell in a hand basket big time. Why would you even want to live around such filth and garbage. I just don't understand I don't want to understand. My hate is running too deep right now and is blinding rational thought. They say nice guys finish last and I truly believe it.
I mourn for those I left behind who are still dealing with the madness. Some days I wish I could just turn my back on it all and pretend it doesn't exist. But a kind heart is a great weakness and its strangling me.This has got to stop!! I have to make it stop or I will drown in the despair I am surrounded by.
Time to harden my heart.
Update 10/10/2014
Guess I wasn't meant to be happy. I gotta move again. I'm sick of this shit. Too funny too since its one year ago to the date I wrote this posting.
