When will it end

Boy this is gonna be a long one I don't know where to start. So I guess the beginning is the best  before my mind starts to rambling. Ok so I have hated my job for several years but I felt that I was good at it and it was pretty easy gig. So I just kept doing it. I didn't have to work weekends or bring work home with me to do. Straight 9 to 5 gig. I never gave much thought to really doing anything else and I guess I just got too comfortable in the position cause the position was taken away from me about a week ago.

The powers that be felt it wasn't important and downgraded the position from full time with benefits to part time no benefits. And that kinda sent my world into a tailspin cause I'm thinking OK what the fuck am i gonna do without a job. Cause part time is not gonna get my rent paid. And my safety net of a home is long gone its been 4 years since we moved from our permanent home. So I'm paying rent now. I have never been so fucking scared in all my life my anxiety and depression is turned up to 20.  Talk about sleepless nights and stomach cramps galore. I'm just so mad at myself cause i find myself in this position once again I don't plan for my future I just live in the moment and then get caught off guard. And then freak out when I don't have a plan in place for shit like this

I just hate my life right now I have no money saved my bills are over due and my future just looks fucked. I was offered another position at the same rate of pay and benefits but now with even more stress. Instead of watching kids destroy a room I get to talk to people on the phone how exciting is that. I hate people and especially hate talking on the phone.

Guess it really doesn't matter since now they are losing people in 2 different departments and cutting programming. This is gonna hurt the bottom line and visitor attendance. So I am trying to talk myself off this ledge I once again find myself on. Do I ride it out or do I jump ship. Or do I draw a line in the sand and say enough of this shit you controlled me too long its time to fight back.

This would be easier if I had a support network but I don't. My support network is in just as bad a shape as I am in now.Talk about misery loves company. And my business is really not going anywhere right now. Although I have a idea on how to fix that its just coming up with the energy to do it. Zero energy and zero motivation. You would think losing my job would be motivation enough. Nope I just feel so defeated.

It just never ends

Hello kiddies I am back!!! I haven't written anything in several years and I miss writing. The past 6 years have been quite interesting. But I wont get into that right now. Just wanted to get back on here and say hi to the universe that I am still around .So see you soon with a new post


Pasha