I am tired

As I sit here at my kitchen table I find myself at a emotional crossroads and I don't know what to do. I guess the drive by shooting that happen last nite that woke me up doesn't help. I am tired of dealing with humanity I am tired of other peoples problems. I am tired of living where I live. I am tired of my job and I and tired of my family. Why cant people do do the right damn thing for once. when I listen to my church going friends about how we are in the last days I truly believe it. People are just going plum crazy making things bad for people who didn't even do anything to them.

I wish I could just turn off my feelings and be a cold heartless bitch. But my curse is I care about stuff and people. And I think way too much about things that didnt happen yet. And about the next ten steps of a problem before you have finished with the first step of the problem. I am so ready to walk away from everything and just be some nameless person wandering the street or either go somewhere new and start all over. Now I understand why some people use drugs or drink and become alcoholics. Its to dull your functioning caring brain to shut down the voice in your head.

I am moving in a couple of weeks and I should be happy and I am not. why because I spend my time worrying about whats happening here at my old place. My family still lives there. while I am at my new place wondering did they remember to lock the door, check the basement. We live in a bad neighborhood. Seems like you cant win for losing and if your a caring person you are doubly screwed

I am standing before the "I dont give a fuck door" and I am so ready to open it!!!!

Pasha